My hope has been vanquished; The Vampire Diaries opens with a cancer patient vampire breaking into Caroline’s house. Immediately, everyone knows that Sheriff Forbes is about to die, painfully. So how do they react?
Caroline is, of course, angrier than hell at herself. Typical control freak, she had to fix everything and now she’s killed her mom. Stefan is finally there for her, and his tendency towards brooding self-hatred actually helps this time. Damon is all-in for Sheriff Forbes, which is sweet, but he needs to take it easy on Caroline. It was definitely an asshole move to yell at her for trying to save her mother.
Meanwhile, in the land of stories we don’t care about, Liv and Tyler are in bed together. No semi-graphic sex scenes here, probably because both characters are human, which is boring and doesn’t allow for super-speed. Anyway, Tyler doesn’t care about Sheriff Forbes, despite his deep and all-consuming love for Caroline that lasted years. He just wants to save Liv, who is trying to convince her father to call off the merge with Luke. Good luck with that, the last time that was a possibility he tried to kill Jo.
Caroline, meanwhile, deserves a medal for all the shit she deals with. Since she’s fictional and I can’t give her one, I’ll have to settle for MVP and line of the night: “If you can’t fix a coffee machine how are you supposed to be able to fix people?” It’s a good point. When the full gravity of the situation hits her, Caroline takes off, and Stefan finds her picking out flowers for her mother’s funeral. Damon, meanwhile, has had an idea, courtesy of Tyler’s stupid idea to let Kai go. Damon lets Kai go. On a condition, of course: he has to suck all of the vampire magic out of Sheriff Forbes. Kai is of course willing to comply (I rhymed!) because it means he gets his merge with Jo. Unfortunately, once Kai gets all that magic out and takes off with Jo, the Sheriff is left in the middle of a heart attack with only Elena Gilbert as Forbes’ doctor. Luckily Damon compels someone in, but it’s almost too late by the time Caroline gets there. Caroline’s calling, but Sheriff Forbes can’t hear her, because she’s in some sob-inducing dreamland where she’s packed her bags and ready to go. But Caroline isn’t ready. In fact, human Caroline isn’t even there- when Mom puts her hand on Daughter, it’s a snarling vampire that jolts her awake. There is definitely something psychological going on there.
Caroline has her mom back, if temporarily, and Elena is so overcome by her lack of centrality in the storyline that she has to leave. Luckily, Damon follows her, and they get to make out because “life is short.” I mean, they’re immortal, but still, carpe diem and all that.
Meanwhile, the storyline we don’t care about has grown a lot more important, because Luke is actually doing something awesome. First, Angry Tyler shows up after the father/twins lunch and punches Dad out. So Luke decides to take it upon himself to merge with Kai. And that’s what he does, after taking Jo out of the way. Luke was a strongest there, of course. He should be able to beat Kai.
But this is The Vampire Diaries. So, just as the focus is back on Elena, someone else is dead, and it’s not the bad guy. In fact, Kai is back in all his awesomeness, which makes me hope that we’ll FINALLY get that exciting villainous storyline that they’ve been building up for an entire half a season. And maybe Delena won’t have to break up this time.