The Vampire Diaries: “Do You Remember the First Time?” Review

The Vampire Diaries is brilliant…at pissing me off.

In this week’s episode, titled “Do you remember the first time?” there was no remembering of any times. All there was, as Elena tells Damon when the fateful encounter finally occurs, are memories of all the terrible things he did to the people she loves.

Cue the frustration. I don’t blame you if this is the point where you turned the TV off. Basically the entire episode is Damon leaning close to Elena while she holds her breath, and then lets out a long sigh (yeah, the one everyone hates) and turns or runs away. The only thing that changes is the setting.

First, a dance, because Elena has to look hot in her fancy black dress so that Damon can be tortured. In turn, Damon intimidates her annoying new boyfriend Liam.

Then Elena, after the first time running away, comes back to Damon and tells him she wants him to help her remember. So he brings her to the last place she told him she loved him- Mystic Falls before the crash that killed Damon in the first place. Elena still can’t remember, so in a variation from the usual sigh and turn away, she runs straight over the border and almost drowns to death as the Damon memories rush back. But as soon as he pulls her back over the line, there they go again.

Luckily there are some breaks in the frustration, though their storylines aren’t much more interesting. Bonnie runs from Kai the serial killer, Caroline’s mom is kidnapped and Stefan and Enzo have to trade New Scary Guy (who, in captivity, has become Not-So-Scary Guy) for Sheriff Forbes.

In the spirit of simplicity, I pledge to learn Scary Guy’s name at some point. Maybe even by the next episode.

Anyway, both boys naturally run to Caroline’s rescue (who does this sound like?) and a jealous Enzo ends up dropping the “she likes you” bomb on Stefan. Does he like her back? No, because he’s stupid and obsessed with Elena.

I did actually find myself rooting for Bonnie when she stabbed Kai in the neck with a pen and then physically patched herself up with absolutely zero medical knowledge (isn’t that what vampire blood is for?). The trick where she put her magic into the teddy bear was nice, especially when poor sad Damon found hope with it.

Speaking of Damon, he absolutely wins MVP of the night. No this is not a biased opinion, go ahead, watch the episode and try to find one other person worth even mentioning in this category.

See? The poor guy worked the entire episode to help his girlfriend remember how much she loved him, but when she was willing to make sacrifices for it he said no. He definitely had the tearjerker of the night when he told her “I would rather spend every waking moment in agony than erase a single minute with you.” Ouch. That’s gotta hurt the Queen of Denial.

Then again, he may beat that one with his sacrifice at the end. I mean, it was idiotic, and done much too often on this show, but it was still kind of adorable. Damon told Elena to live her life without him because she finally had some semblance of normal left. And if he made her remember, that would go, and her happiness could go with it.

Cue stab in the gut.

Then she asks him what happened that one night, when the two of them went out to watch the meteor shower and ended up in a thunderstorm. He told her she was miserable and wet, so they went home, which of course was total bull. She told him to wait, it would blow over. Then she made him promise that they would be forever.

Aaaaand cue the twisting of the knife.

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